For once, I will try to post an entry without any grammatical, spelling errors and I will not resort to using of contractions. So here it goes.
Sometimes you try to hard to make things work but you end up screwing everything that is right. You slave and cry over the little details that make you r relationship so imperfect that you forget to cherish the fact that you are together with the one you love. Humans try their hardest to be perfect or die trying. But why in the world would we try to attain something that is way beyond our reach. However, if you are to reflect these circumstances, trying to be the best and immaculately perfect is not our only problem.
Another breed of human species is quite the opposite. They do not care about being a perfectionist. However, the saddest part is, they do nothing to try to change their lives and strive to make it better. For now, let us concentrate on relationship issues. The latter does not understand the need that their partner has to improve the relationship. They are complacent enough with the status of the relationship. This makes them fail to realize the telling signs that their relationship might end up in the trash.
Humans are funny that way. They do not understand that they themselves remember tiny bits of information and store it in their heads. For example, your boyfriend fails to notice or say thank you after you have done something nice for him. Your head registers it and believe me; you may not remember the details of what happened, but you can most likely feel the hurt again. When it happens again and again, you start feeling hurt a lot and maybe being with the person may end up hurting you. You no longer feel the love you have for the person, as the pain he has caused you is able to overcome whatever feelings you might have of him. It is dangerous and destructive for the relationship. Just try to understand that not everyone operates at the same frequency and feels the same way as you. Understanding might be the hardest part, but the rewards are fulfilling.
Having brains and emotions with the ability to speak our mind does not make it easier for us to communicate our feelings. In fact, to talk about our feelings is just either too painful a process or too complicating. While some try to talk things out, other just shut down. I hate it whenever I am trying to tell the person what I am feeling and the other party dismisses it or just would not take me seriously. Not only is it rude, but also try to understand that I may not be able to find the courage to communicate my feelings to you anymore. Or I might numb my feelings, as I believed that no one would bother listening. This is the direct result of not listening to someone. Next time when a friend needs someone to listen to her, please, do not offer advice. Just listen. If they need you to talk they will ask for it. However, we just lack someone understanding and compassionate enough to listen to our incoherent ramblings.
When you decide that you do not want to listen, the person automatically shuts down. He/She will have an understanding that on one else want to listen to him/her. With that action you have just chosen to mute her from expressing her feelings. Bear in mind that this might have suicidal consequences. Singapore is still a conservative nation. Most of our parents do not understand the way we think due to the era difference. What we think is a norm may not be acceptable to them. Their idea of a normal behaviour seems outdated in our eyes. Please. Just listen. Do not only listen to their words, listen to what they are not saying. That is the most important. They need you to see and understand what they are not saying with words. They trust you enough to open up so do not lose that trust.
Some people might be gregarious and openly friendly with everyone. They might have shown you their emotions at times. However these are the people you must watch. They are the ones who find it hard to really express what is inside of them. They know society can be cruel and they hide behind a facade. The person beside you maybe the friendliest person you have every met. But he/she might be the ones who never tell what they truly feel. They need to see that they are not okay. They need you to understand the fear they have when people truly know how they feel. It feels like being stripped bare and being at your most vulnerable. It feels like everyone has the ability to inflict pain on you. The emotional pain is so much for them to handle that they start feeling the physical pain.
This is turning into quite a depressing entry. It was not meant to end this way. I am not sure myself why I am writing all this. But I am starting to feel a bit better. I may not be the nicest around, but I try. Sometimes I try so hard that I end up making everyone happy at my own expense. I want people to be happy but I end up miserable. Why? I can only guess the answer for I am unsure myself. The person we love is the person we are most likely to hurt, and they have the power to inflict the most pain on us. Why? That question will remain a mystery that haunts everyone including myself.
No one will be able to hear my cries. No one will be able to answer my questions. No one will be able to erase away my pain. No one will be able to wipe away the tears I cry behind those smiles. No one will be able to detect the amount of pain I am hiding. No one will be able to save me from dying inside. No one will be able to understand the pain and hurt that I have to go through. No one will be able to break the wall I build around myself. No one will be able to stop me from tearing up every time I am alone with my thoughts. No one will be able to stop me from hurting you and in the process killing me. No one will be there for me when I truly need help. No one will be able to do anything. No one. Is there truly no one?
We humans are just funny. We can never satisfy ourselves, let alone anyone else.
